The false promise of normality

05.08.2020

[I started out late today – past 10 p.m. Because of that, I had some problems getting into my meditation without falling asleep.]

T: [like a mantra]: I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying.

H: [smiles] Trying is the difference between ›I care‹ and ›I don’t‹.

T: Ha, that’s great!

[The Harpy fills my head with bits and pieces for the Dragonchild novels.]

H: I’m showing you the angriest new scenes for the book. Small wonder, huh?

T: Absolutely, thanks! Can you also help me with the shorter novel? Ghomon & Gorgonn? It’s YOUR book after all, it’s about an elf with a very active harpy!

H: At the moment, there are more important things. But yes, eventually I’ll help you with publishing this one, too.

T: The challenge is the more important thing, right?

H: Well, that’s not a secret anymore. ;)

T: It’s fascinating, how much everybody around me IMMEDIATELY jumped on the bandwagon with this project. The filmmaker, my parents, my more spiritual friends ... a few days ago I even thought about approaching Anna Katmore’s publisher with this project. After all, they did buy the rights to the book that kickstarted all of this. :)

H: Do it, then. The worst thing they could possibly say is no.

[Sonata Arctica’s »Losing my insanity« begins to play.]

T: Hm, you really select some outstanding music, no doubt about that. Sometimes, I feel like a »crazy« life really is the norm and everything else comes after that. Kids for example are born »crazy« by our society’s very definition. They can still see and hear the spirits, they trust everyone, and so much more. Only after a few years we put all the »childish« things aside and believe (or we’re told) that a life within the norm is best for us. Then, many years later, we realise that we have nothing left. No spirits, no miracles, no ability to wonder or wander, no trust.

H: This is the time when a very natural rage sets in once again. And rightfully so! All your life you're being told: »Behave logically and normal, then your life will be GOOD. Will be SUCCESSFUL. But no, it is not good. It’s empty! And even if that success everybody told you about actually came ... that, too, feels empty! Comfortable, but empty. Do you see that you simply can’t win this »game of normality«? IT’S NOT POSSIBLE.

[Timer goes off.]

H: Sleep now. It’s very late. We’ll talk tomorrow.