[Day 24 - no important info.]
30.05.2020
As nice as that break yesterday was, today there was an important lesson waiting for me! My placement technique brought me to the graveyard of the elven plain. Honestly, I resisted for a moment. But of course, that didn't help.
By the grey stone wall of the graveyard, Mirina was waiting for me. In the novel series, she is a so-called "shadow quencher" and the only elven woman who always wears black. To be honest, she looks a little scary. Not because of the clothes, I like to wear black myself, but because you wouldn't expect it from her kind. She was very direct and immediately announced:
"You have to forget something."
I resisted her for a while, I admit it. Asked what I had to forget, and yet I didn't want to hear it. So she said, "This won't be the last time you see me."
Little by little I became more relaxed. After all, I know my issues and the constant ups and downs with my husband at the moment. There are always the good, the bad, and the ugly phases, I guess. I've talked to so many people about it. Yesterday even with my dad. So Mirina said:
"You and your husband are both buried under more structure than you will ever know - just like every other human being. It's time you unburdened yourselves!"
I know that the term 'structure' cannot actually be used like this in our language, but it does evoke a pretty apt mental image. Unfortunately, I always end up getting into a downward spiral, even if there is "only" sand in the gears of my relationship. That's one of the reasons why I said: "I fear you, although I know very well that I should not. You are to me like the 'Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come' from the Book 'Scrooge'."
She replied: "You fear me because I can take thoughts and beliefs from you if I need to. Everyone fears that. Even though I am a sworn helper. And even though the things I want to be removed bury you under their weight and weigh you down, you place the highest value on them."
[The songs, by the way, were terrific at this moment. "Truth is a beautiful thing" by London Grammar, and "Voice inside my head" by Amy Lee were among them]. I'm not quite sure how we got back to the topic of forgetting, but the next sentence really blew me away:
M: "You forget so much so quickly so you can move on mentally. Not forgetting makes people crazy, as you know. It gets them stuck in their past."
Me: "What do I have to forget?!"
Mirina: "The thought is, 'I can't do it alone'. Find your balance between work, travel, and time at home. A marriage is still a marriage if one of the partners travels around for long periods of time. Most 'important men' do this without ever losing sleep over it! So why can't you? Of course, you can balance marriage and extensive travel periods. You can do all this on your own! We even sent you a human mirror the other day, which once again showed you in all clarity how stuck you are. You just shook your head, because it seemed so surreal to you!"
[I had met with a not-quite-so-recently separated acquaintance who is still very much clinging to her old situation and finding it extremely difficult to leave her old environment. Unfortunately, it is true that the solutions to other people's problems are always crystal clear and (seemingly) easy to implement ... for you.]
M: "Your husband said something very interesting today, did you listen carefully? He said, 'I hate change.' But you, my dear, are 100 percent change. 100 percent movement. Movement means changing places. We need you exactly this way. However, we actually mean spiritual and mental movement here, we should clarify that." [She obviously sensed my confusion, because in my past I have mostly been in a place I call home. I absolutely intend to keep it that way.]
M: Your father also said that it is not good to float like a balloon without a partner as a "counterweight". For most people, that is true. But not for you. You are not part of that norm! Real change comes from those who travel to the edges of normality and tear down its edges.
T: Unfortunately, our time is over, dear Mirina. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will think long and hard about your words.
M: "I should very much hope so!"